Monday, 19 November 2012

Call for vigilance as water found at swimming pool

Staff at Putney Leisure Centre were horrified last night to discover treacherous wet floors in the vicinity of the swimming pool. As fears mounted of accidents by the dozen, managers ordered bright yellow warning signs to be moved into position at key poolside locations and around the showers, toilets and changing rooms.

Displayed in the nick of time
An insider at the much-loved leisure emporium explained: "A member of the public came running to the front desk at around 1600 hours. He had just come out of the swimming pool, was about to take off his dripping wet Speedos, and suddenly noticed perilous drops of water on the floor beneath him. Our staff rushed to the scene immediately and activated the Leisure Centre's health & safety contingency plan. The entire area was roped off and warning signs placed at strategic intervals. We must stress that Putney Leisure Centre continues to be a safe and welcoming environment for all the family, but vigilance must be the order of the day until every last drop of water has been identified and removed."

A spokesman for the Regional Health & Safety Inspectorate praised Putney Leisure Centre's timely actions. "This is a good example of best practice," said Inspector-General Albert Eagerly. "Staff and customers would have been in grave peril had the wet floors not been properly signposted. Frail pensioners would have slipped over and broken their last remaining bones; pregnant mothers would have plummeted cruelly to their deaths; and innocent children would have slipped on the wetness and been taken advantage of by cunning paedophiles. I shudder to think of all the chilling consequences of inaction."

The Spanish ambassador also intervened to praise Putney Leisure Centre for including "wet floor" warnings in Spanish. "This is most kind of the English authorities," he said. "We in Spain are not well-acquainted with the properties of water, and most of our people would have expected arid conditions to prevail at a swimming pool. Thanks to these useful and informative warning signs, however, we now know better."  

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