Friday, 26 April 2013

Stylish Wandsworth 'is the new Belgravia', socialites agree

There were scenes of rejoicing on the streets of Wandsworth last night as well-heeled local residents flocked eagerly to stylish new eateries Wagamama and Rossopomodoro, which have finally opened their doors to hungry customers. Queues stretched for miles down formerly dreary Garratt Lane, almost reaching the outskirts of Earlsfield, as scrubbed and perfumed middle-class professionals assembled in their thousands to enjoy a splendid feast after years of having to make do with smelly kebabs and chicken nuggets. 

Wandsworth's stylish new restaurant emporium

WandsworthEye has previously reported in some detail on the endless rows of nauseating underclass fast-food establishments which line the once thriving High Street. Indeed, scarcely an hour goes by without a sodden fried chicken carton being dropped outside Eye HQ by wicked yobby elements. The Eye is watching these activities very carefully and will press for the harshest punishment at the appropriate juncture. 

Now, however, Wandsworth finally has a parade of restaurants more suited to the tastes of respectable, professional people with jobs and regular incomes. No wonder, then, that top of the guest list for this week's launch party were the much-loved trio of glamorous socialites Tamara Parker-Bicyclette, Octavia Belle-Wether and Tarquinetta Tiara-Tempest.
Wandsworth 'just like Belgravia now'

"This is the turning point," exclaimed Tamara P-B. "Wandsworth is now the new Belgravia. No longer will I be ashamed to bring my Chelsea friends across the river. Garratt Lane is the place to be!" 

Even an apostrophe in the right place!
There was even talk last night of a new reality TV series being filmed in our vibrant neighbourhood. According to one industry source, the working title for the programme is The Only Way Is Wandsworth

Best of all, the stunning new eateries appear to be observing a strict door policy - turning away tramps, vagabonds and habitual tracksuit-wearers from the premises.

Responding to a query from WandsworthEye, Rossopomodoro tweeted: 

our customers have been lovely, not seen a tracksuit yet!

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