Monday, 6 May 2013

Wandsworth's voice 'must be heard' at Fuerteventura apostrophe talks

There were calls last night for the Wandsworth delegation to take an uncompromisingly hard line at the Fuerteventura Apostrophe Congress, due to start this Wednesday. Ahead of the global talks, widely hailed as 'crucial', Eye HQ has been deluged with messages of support from its phalanx of devoted followers. 

"Voice of Wandsworth must be heard roud and crear at clitical summit on Fuerteventura irand," said world-renowned apostrophe expert Professor Wu'u-p'ing O'oo, who is to be a keynote speaker at the prestigious congress. "All light finking people appraud varriant efforts of grobal readers to bling end to apostlophe viorence!"

Fuerteventura: venue for this week's global apostrophe congress

Frail pensioner Ethel Dumpton of SW18 agreed wholewheartedly. "Forget the humanitarian catastrophe in Syria, the threat of nuclear war on the Korean peninsula and the devious machinations of the Liberal Democrats," she advised. "Issue number one for struggling pensioners is the relentless march of apostrophe criminals throughout the land. There must be a concerted global effort to round them all up and send them to prison - along, of course, with any last remaining LibDem MPs. Oh WandsworthEye, you are in all our thoughts as you take upon yourself this arduous journey across the seas. God speed, and farewell!"  

Delegates are already assembling for the 'crucial' talks

WandsworthEye moved to reassure its eager followers last night that its award-winning Tramp and Vagabond Monitoring Service would continue even from afar. A spokesman for the much-loved community news portal said: "The Eye will continue to pay close attention to events in our cherished neighbourhood, despite the pressures of work at the dreary Fuerteventura Apostrophe Congress. Let reckless elements in our community be warned: the Eye will be watching you, even from distant lands!"

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