Wandsworth 'set to win Britain in Bloom competition'

 

Excitement was mounting in horticultural circles last night amid feverish speculation that Wandsworth would win the prestigious 'Britain in Bloom' competition.

 

The Brighter Borough has long been an eager participant in the annual RHS campaign, in which neighbours up and down the country transform their areas into natural havens.

 

But this year SW18's residents have certainly pulled out all the stops. The centrepiece of the borough's entry to the 2017 competition is the attractively laid-out "Winter of Discontent" art installation in Chapel Yard.

 

The much-loved "Winter of Discontent" open-air art project

 

Just a stone's throw from Eye HQ and Southside shopping centre, the innovative project seeks to dispel myths about life under Labour in the 1970s. A party spokesman explained: "The mainstream media spread such vicious lies about socialism. This artfully arranged exhibit of uncollected garbage from a working-class household tells a compelling story about solidarity with the poor and vulnerable."

 

Residents' pride and joy: a fully grown Mattress Plant

 

Another highlight of Wandsworth's eagerly awaited entry to the Britain in Bloom contest is this unusual Mattress Plant in an otherwise unassuming alleyway between the High Street and Chapel Yard. "I've never seen one as big as this before," said a source close to the Royal Horticultural Society. "They're sure to win this time!"

 

Council praised for "verdant suburban idyll"

 

Environmental experts across the land have been quick to praise Wandsworth Council for its "outstanding" leadership role in transforming the borough from industrial wasteland to verdant suburban idyll. "It is truly remarkable what they've achieved," said a source close to the Prince of Wales. "Once Wandsworth was home to monstrous carbuncles. Now it is a veritable haven for wildlife. I shall be sending a delegation over from Poundbury to see what lessons can be learned. The council must be well pleased with the impact of its proactive urban beautification regime."