Monday, 14 January 2013

Residents tell of eardrum hell

Residents claimed last night that emergency service vehicles were deliberately driving up and down Wandsworth High Street with their sirens ablaze to annoy people. There were even suggestions that heartless 999 chiefs had cunningly turned up the volume of police, ambulance and fire engine sirens so as to make an especially loud nuisance and destroy everybody's last remaining eardrums. 

The heartless headquarters of the southwest London siren torturers
WandsworthEye can reveal that at all times of the day and night, hardworking families living on and around the High Street have had their lives cruelly disrupted by the incessant "ni-na-ni-na" call of busybody 999 vehicles. No sooner has one passed out of earshot than another appears to torture the local inhabitants.

Marguerita Ponsonby Smythe, who dwells above one of the busy thoroughfare's many chicken nugget emporia, complained: "It's so selfish of them to make such a noise. They are just trying to be the centre of attention. Well I'm afraid they'll just have to wait their turn like everybody else!"

Wandsworth's imposing police HQ
Frail pensioner Mabel Drearie agreed. Clutching her copy of the Daily Express, she declared: "If the police were at least catching tramps, lesbians and asylum seekers, one could understand all this siren hoo-ha. However one increasingly has the suspicion that it is all a big lot of fuss about nothing." She dabbed her runny nose with a Poundland handkerchief. "And I'll tell you what: it's definitely got worse since the Liberal Democrats got their greasy hands onto power. If only people had heeded the trenchant prophecies of much-loved community news blog WandsworthEye, whose services to local residents are invaluable!"

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