Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Brainwashing cult 'on the rampage' in Wandsworth

Residents cowered in fear last night after a sinister flag was hoisted high above one of central Wandsworth's most prestigious streets. Families on Wandsworth Plain - world-famous as the westerly terminus of the much-loved 87 bus - were at a loss to explain the meaning of the flag, which now flutters menacingly over the street's elegant Georgian facades alongside a Union Jack.

"Is it something to do with the Teletubbies?" asked one passer-by, drawing attention to the child-like cartoon character depicted in a blue circle on a sinister white background. Another thought it might be the emblem of a new political party, particularly one with far-right policies. "How ghastly," said one resident. "The LibDems are bad enough - but now this!" 

Another theory gaining credence last night was that the flag heralded the arrival in Wandsworth of a sinister brainwashing cult. Tracey B, part-time checkout assistant at Poundstretcher, thought this was extremely likely. "Oh yes," she said, "it's very cunning how they've disguised the true purpose of the building by giving the lady on the flag such a cheeky wink. I think you'll find that increasingly these demonic cults are resorting to highly sophisticated marketing strategies to lure unsuspecting folk in through their rapacious doors."  

However other leading figures in the neighbourhood disagreed. "The coquettish demeanour of the unsavoury character depicted on the flag leads me to suspect that all this presages the arrival in the borough of sultry purveyors of pornographic filth," said Reginald W, a stalwart of the Wandsworth branch of the Anti-Lust Alliance.

WandsworthEye will continue to monitor the situation from its HQ overlooking the Plain, and welcomes any suggestions from readers who may have their own theories regarding this menacing new development.

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